


Catch the Wind

by Brooks1138



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:28:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28937793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brooks1138/pseuds/Brooks1138
Summary: Kirk has made a number of erroneous assumptions - despite Spock being sorely tested, they sort themselves out.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 5
Kudos: 54





	1. The chilly hours and minutes

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by my favourite Donovan song.  
> In the chilly hours and minutes of uncertainty I want to be  
> In the warm hold of your lovin' mind  
> To feel you all around me and to take your hand along the sand  
> Ah but I may as well try to catch the wind.  
> Donovan   
> 

  
Captain's log, Stardate 2329.8  
We have arrived at Starbase 4 on orders from Star Fleet to rendezvous with the acclaimed Vulcan geobotanist T'lumina. We are to transport T'Lumina and her team to the planet Penthesilea, where they will conduct a series of trials, the outcome of which may determine the planet's suitability as a colony. I have instructed all senior crew members to attend a formal reception this evening in honour of our esteemed guest.  
  
* * *  
  
Kirk bounced through the door of the shared bathroom into his First Officer's quarters, resplendent in his full dress uniform, he was looking forward to an interesting evening. Spock was as immaculate as ever and Kirk wondered, despite his own careful grooming, how it was that Spock always managed to make him feel scruffy.  
"So, Mister Spock, are you excited at the prospect of meeting one of your fellow countrymen, and a renowned scientist to boot? I even hear on the grapevine that she is quite a looker?"  
"Captain, as you are fully aware, Vulcans do not experience excitement, and the genetic origin and visual appearance of T'Lumina will not affect my appreciation of her work. However, I am anticipating a period of stimulating scientific discussion. It will also be a relief to enjoy the company of a person with a logical mind."  
"Absolutely Mister Spock, of course, shall we... ?"  
  
* * *  
  
Captain's log, Stardate 2365.48  
The Vulcan geobotanist T'Lumina and her team have been aboard the Enterprise for 14 days. Preparations for the planetside trials have been intense. Mr Spock has been working tirelessly but successfully with the team and has been offered the opportunity to join them in person on the planet's surface, to conduct the tests he has helped to develop. I have granted permission for Commander Spock to join the team for the whole of their two week sojourn on Penthesilea.  
  
* * *  
  
Captain's log, Stardate 2403.87  
We are orbiting the planet Penthesilea, an uninhabited class M planet. Tomorrow, T'Lumina and her team will be transferred to the planet's surface. The small research team will establish a temporary science station to monitor the progress of the trials and gather data. Commander Spock will be accompanying the away team.  
As this planet has an atmosphere and climate much like Earth, the crew have been granted shore leave in one of the more temperate regions away from the research location. Dr McCoy is organising the rotations. As First Officer Spock is fully engaged with the science team, I have decided to remain on the Enterprise.  
  
* * *  
Captain's log, Stardate 2442.19  
The trails being conducted by the planetside research team have been successful, and T'Lumina is preparing to remain on the planet for an extended period with a view to establishing a permanent colony. We have beamed down supplies to allow for the establishment of a more permanent outpost.  
  
Captain's log, supplemental  
This afternoon, I received an unexpected request from Commander Spock. I need time to consider the potential ramifications before I make my response.   
* * *  
  
It was not unusual for James T. Kirk to stand on the small viewing deck, gazing meditatively into space. Although the small deck was not exclusive, it was custom and practice that it be used by the command team only. Dr McCoy knew this was somewhere the Captain would regularly come to cogitate over a problem, or to ruminate on the events of a testing day - and the sight of the blue-green planet Penthesilea, turning beneath them against the coruscating blanket of stars, was both beautiful and hypnotic.   
Some time later on his way back from the Officers rec room, McCoy was surprised to see his friend standing in the exact same spot, staring outwards, still seemingly deep in thought. He considered breaking Jim's reverie, but thinking better of it he walked on.  
The following morning, McCoy spotted Kirk in the mess, apparently having breakfasted on black coffee and fresh air. As he approached the Captain with a light-hearted rebuke on his lips, Kirk stood and turned abruptly, leaving the mess without speaking. Frowning, the Doc made a mental note to keep a watchful eye. Although the recent weeks had been largely uneventful, First Officer Spock had been increasingly taken up with the design of the trials that were now being completed, and the Captain had therefore been without the support of his stalwart friend. McCoy had responsibility for the physical and mental wellbeing of all of the Ship's complement, currently numbering 432; but if he was honest, he only concerned himself with 431 of them. He never gave much mind to the wellbeing of Jim Kirk - not because he didn't care about his Captain and longtime friend, but because Spock made any such concern pretty much redundant. Whilst the hobgoblin was on the case, JTK was possibly the best looked-out for being in the universe.  
Bones noted that, whilst the crew had all been taking advantage of the beautiful and temperate planet, Kirk had remained on board for R&R. This in itself struck him as odd, as Penthesilea offered multiple opportunities for some of the pastimes Kirk usually relished: climbing, walking and swimming. McCoy made a mental note to check in with Kirk later - a chat over a glass or three of brandy was long overdue.  
Distracted by the routine of the day, McCoy had pretty much forgotten his concern... until he passed the small viewing deck once again and saw the Captain silhouetted against the backdrop of stars, still staring out. Kirk appeared momentarily to be turning to leave - only then to smash an angry fist into the bulkhead, a picture of rage and frustration, before returning once again to his original position, fingers knotted in frustration through blond locks. This time McCoy approached, determined to find out what was troubling his friend.  
  
"A credit for your thoughts, Jim."  
  
Kirk remained unmoving, and when he responded, the hurt in his voice cut McCoy to the quick.  
  
"A credit for them? ... Bones, you have no idea! These thoughts are worth more than that, perhaps even a whole career."  
  
McCoy studied his friend, realising with a shock just how tired the man looked. Pinching the bridge of his nose, hand on the bulkhead, Kirk looked a picture of exhausted desolation. A lost soul. McCoy tried to keep his tone light, as Jim Kirk was not a man who responded well to nannying. "Jim, you look like crap, how about a night cap before you turn in?"  
Kirk turned and met his friend's eyes, his hazel irises dull, not a spark of the trademark twinkle. "No, honestly, thank you Bones - I think I will skip it if you don't mind. I will turn in shortly."  
With that he turned back to his position, staring out, and the conversation was closed.  
  
* * *  
  
Kirk sat in the command chair, the end of the shift approaching, the relief crew already starting to appear. The feeling in the pit of his stomach was sickening, like a lead weight, an iron fist curling in his guts. Once freed from the duty and the attendant distraction of bridge command, his mind immediately reverted to the same circular turmoil of thought that he had been dwelling on since the arrival of Spock's request. He was angry - angry with himself, angry with Spock, angry with the universe. He sought temporary distraction in the rec room and was greeted warmly by a number of crew members, but he soon found truth in the adage that there is no place lonelier than a crowded room. His quarters offered no solace, only the memories of more agreeable times. Never had he been so unable to reconcile his thoughts. It was only a matter of time before he stood on the small viewing deck once again, wrestling with ideas that would not be ordered. He knew the right thing to do - his moral compass never failed him, but this one time, the right thing was also the last thing he wanted to do.  
James T. Kirk, youngest man to captain a star ship, victor ludorum, the man who did not believe in the no-win scenario. Suddenly, the growing weariness of the past weeks seemed to overwhelm him, encasing him in a thick fug of lassitude. He could not continue in this manner - he knew he needed to return to his cabin and to try to sleep, but his unquiet mind had made sleep difficult to attain, and when it came it left him without respite or relief. Whatever the outcome, there had to be resolution.  
Kirk sensed a familiar presence at his side, a presence that had been increasingly absent since the arrival of T'Lumina. For a while, neither man spoke. Kirk continued to stare ahead, trying to find the right words, knowing he should initiate the necessary conversation - but all the while wanting to stop time to prevent the inevitable outcome.  
  
"Spock."  
"Captain."  
"Do ever think about... us, our working relationship, our... friendship?"  
"Yes."  
"I have thought about it a lot these past weeks, Spock."  
  
Everything Kirk had faced in his life he had faced with decisive action, but now he was too much of a coward to ask a simple question and face the answer. Spock's voice was quiet, barely audible even to Kirk.  
  
"Captain... Jim, I sense you are in some distress. I wish to understand the cause, I wish to help."  
  
The cause... Kirk almost laughed. Spock was the cause! His next question came as if from nowhere.  
  
"Spock, do consider yourself to be heterosexual?"  
  
If Spock was surprised by the question he did not show it.  
"I have never found the need to categorise myself in that way, Captain. Both heterosexual and homosexual relationships are accepted on Vulcan. Until recently, I had never considered undertaking sexual congress with another. You above all men know that for a Vulcan the mating imperative is on a 7 year cycle – however, that does not preclude me from initiating an act of sexual union, or responding to the invitation from another if I so choose. As I said, until recently I have not felt moved to do so. My parents logically bonded me with a female - as on Earth, heterosexual relationships are more commonly chosen and are logically more practical for the continuance of a family line. However, there are also many who choose a completely asexual lifestyle, preferring companionship that is based on a more cerebral level. On Vulcan it is not considered logical to categorise people into rigid groups."  
"I see - so Vulcans do not feel the need for regular sexual release?"  
"Speaking for myself, I find I can usually dispel such need with focused displacement activity, such as working in the lab or engaging in a social activity, playing complex exercises on the Vulcan harp or a chess match with a challenging opponent. I can also usually meditate through such urges. On occasion however when the need has bested my control, I have resorted to masturbation."  
"You say, until recently? So you have found someone with whom you wish to have a sexual relationship?"  
"Yes... I believe so, but I have yet to make my inclination known. Jim, please - you are my greatest, perhaps only real friend. Share with me that which is troubling you so greatly."  
"Spock, I am sorry. I do not deserve to be called friend by you, I wish I did. I should be glad for you, that you have found someone who attracts you, stimulates you - but damn it Spock, I AM JEALOUS! I have missed you, felt your absence as keenly as a knife wound. When I received your request for shore leave, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. While you were in the lab or working on the planet's surface I could kid myself it was a temporary situation, that you would soon return and that our friendship would resume as it had been... but that request for shore leave made me realise it would not, could not be as it was. In all the time we have worked together you have rarely requested or taken shore leave. I realise that this request signals a significant change in your plans, and your confirmation that you desire to initiate an intimate relationship confirms what I had surmised. I know you well enough to know that you would not undertake such a step lightly. T'Lumina is an attractive and intelligent woman, I can see she is more than a worthy match for you, intellectually, socially, culturally... and I hate myself that I am selfishly putting my own needs first, that I cannot be glad for you. How many times have I disappeared on shore leave to find solace in the arms of a woman, or taken advantage of any opportunity for female comfort during missions? What sort of man am I? I did not give a thought to your feelings! I just accepted that when I had found my release, I would return to the ship and we would pick up where we left off - you at my side, your company after dinner, your conversation when I needed it and your silent companionship when I did not. Damn it Spock, most married couples spend less time together than we do. I have loved women and bedded women, and I have even come close to marrying a couple of women... and yet looking back, when I have moved on I have not missed any of them as much as I have missed you these last few weeks! I have hardly slept, I have hardly eaten, I have behaved like a lovesick teenager, something I did not damn well do when I was a damn teenager."  
  
A huge sense of relief overwhelmed Kirk, his angry rant had provided a catharsis to the pent up emotion he had carried with him during Spock's absence. He waited for his friend's response, hoping that having spoken out he would have the fortitude to bear whatever his friend had to say.  
  
"Jim, do you trust me?"  
"What? Of course, with my life... always."  
"Then trust me now. Beam down to the planet with me."  
  
Kirk stared at his friend, unable to comprehend what Spock had suggested. Spock's eyes met his in a level, unwavering gaze. Kirk nodded, realising he owed his friend at least that.  
He walked through the corridors to the transporter room, barely cognisant of the crew he passed. He noted Spock's rather unorthodox and decidedly uncharacteristic clothing; loose cotton trousers and shirt - bloody hell, even in mufti the man still looked elegant. As they reached the transporter room, Kirk spotted two duffle bags on the pad. Clearly Spock was not planning to return in a hurry. Spock gave the co-ordinates to the duty crewman, and the officers stepped on to the pad.


	2. To take your hand, along the sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk does some swimming and thinking.

Materialising on the planet's surface, Kirk took in his surroundings and was immediately struck by the breath-taking beauty of the location. He was stood on a wide beach, white sand running in a long ribbon between dense verdant forest and scintillating azure water. In the distance an escarpment of pale, roughcast cliffs, rose high and rugged against the piercing blue of the cloudless sky. A light breeze carried the scent of the sea and the sound of the water lapping against the shoreline. They were not in any encampment, certainly not a scientific research base, however pro tem. "Spock, this place is beautiful, a paradise, but why have you brought me here? I assumed you wanted to show me your new research station."  
Spock frowned, and if Kirk had been a bit less self-absorbed he might have registered this uncharacteristically overt sign from the usually imperturbable Vulcan. "I am gratified that you find this location pleasing, Captain, I came across it whilst looking for samples last week. I was struck immediately by the idea that it would be a place you might select to bring someone of significance."  
Kirk took in a makeshift shelter - a charming construction of drift wood, formed into a rustic wickiup big enough for two. The shelter was oriented so that it was open to the sight of the sea, and designed to be protected from evening chill by a small circular hearth, already prepared with an unlit fire. On a carefully positioned flat rock sat a chess board, incongruous in this Arcadian location. Kirk recognised it as the one he had given Spock the previous Christmas, and he felt a tug of sweet sorrow that his friend would wish to bring what he knew to be a treasured possession with him here. He smiled. "Yes Spock, this is exactly where I would bring someone 'of significance to me', I am honoured that you have shared this. I am certain that T'lumina will find this a most... conducive location. I wish you success, I really do, you deserve to find happiness... or whatever Vulcans seek in these liaisons." Looking around again he sighed, "any memories you make here will be beautiful, sublime, unforgettable. I guess if your shore leave goes as planned you are likely to be putting in for a transfer to the new colony. I will miss you... more than I can express, although I should think that after my earlier outburst you have probably gained some insight. Forgive me my friend, for my unforgivably selfish human behaviour."  
"JAMES."  
Spock had moved to stand immediately behind the distracted human, and his Sunday name delivered in a somewhat acerbic tone of voice and at an unusually high volume for such proximity brought him up sharply.  
"Please, will you just... shut the fuck up and cease your prolix monologue that I might get a word in on its side!"  
Kirk could not have been more surprised if a bucket of iced water had appeared from nowhere and upended itself over him. He stared stupidly, mouth agape, as if he had been bitch slapped by a Klingon. Spock had used the F word - Kirk had been trying to goad him into doing that for months. He was too surprised even to correct Spock's inevitably muddled aphorism.  
Spock continued in a tone that from a non-Vulcan would be described as testy:   
"I had intended to invite you to join me here tomorrow, but since the good Doctor contacted me with an uncharacteristically well-founded concern for your mental wellbeing, I had to curtail my preparations somewhat. You are indeed correct, I have selected this place as a suitable location to bring a person of significance, but I fail to understand why you believe I should wish also to bring T'Lumina here or indeed any other member of the science team. YOU are the person of significance and I HAVE brought you. I have not the slightest interest in resigning my commission or joining this or any other colony, unless my work has become in some way dissatisfactory to you. Please close your mouth Captain, you look as if you are either trying to catch small insects or to audition for the position of village idiot - and as there is as yet no village on Penthesilea, I do not believe there to be a vacancy."  
In his enervated state Kirk simply could not process the information Spock had imparted as well as continue to stand - as a consequence he sat down, somewhat abruptly and with no aplomb whatsoever, still staring foolishly at his First Officer. Finally he managed to vocalise a thought.  
"You are not wishing to leave the Enterprise?"  
Spock spoke as an adult might to a particularly slow-witted child, "I do not wish to leave you and at the present time that amounts to the same thing."  
Kirk spoke again as another thought managed to coalesce into a cogent sentence. "You are not wishing to pursue an act of 'sexual congress' with T'Lumina?"  
Spock sighed. "I admit she is a female to whom I could be much attracted, and she did indicate an interest in pursuing a relationship with me; however, she did not see the logic of pursuing a relationship with an already bonded male."  
"But Spock, I thought your bond with T'Pring was broken when she chose Stonn - surely you are free to choose another partner? You said yourself you are capable of responding to the sexual advance of another, of undertaking a 'sexual union'."  
Spock's tone softened. "The partner to whom I am bonded and to whom T'Lumina referred is YOU Jim. It was obvious to her when she saw us together on the Enterprise, and became more so over the course of our many conversations together. Although I would like to pursue a sexual union with you, I know that you have always been entirely heterosexual and that your long term needs will not be met by focused displacement activity or indeed masturbation - and I accept that. However, I have no wish to find another partner and I do not believe that will alter. On the Enterprise you spoke of missing my company and my comradeship: I wish you to know that I reciprocate that feeling. Whilst I have been working away from my role of First Officer, I have come to appreciate the profound and singular nature of our friendship. I hope that in light of or perhaps in spite of what we have both said, we will be able to continue as before. I assure you I will not let the nature of my feelings for you change our working relationship in any way, nor will I endanger the safety of the crew. I ask you to believe that I will remain diligent in my duty. I am sorry that my recent focus on my work has led to my being entirely remiss in my duty to you. I should have realised you were feeling the strain of our separation, forgive me. Perhaps if your consent for my shore leave still stands you will stay here with me and, as I believe Dr McCoy suggested the correct expression to be, 'get your head out of your ass'... sir. Alternatively, if you find you are no longer comfortable with my presence, I can return to the ship to allow you to enjoy your R&R in peace or with someone else of your choosing."  
Finally Kirk managed to pass a message from his sleep-deprived, information-overloaded brain to his mouth.   
"Spock, as I believe you so succinctly put it, the appropriate expression is, shut the fuck up. Yes, your shore leave stands. No, I do not want you to return to the ship - Scotty will cope, and I cannot think of anyone else I would prefer to share my shore leave with. I am going to need some thinking time to 'get my head out of my ass', but right now I need a drink and something to eat and something to wear that does not retain sand. I trust your curtailed preparations did not leave us without a few home comforts?"  
Kirk changed from his uniform into something less cumbersome, mulling over the ramifications of Spock's declaration. Recalling Spock's interesting use of idiomatic language and making a mental note to 'get' McCoy for that one, he felt laughter bubbling up within him like water from a spring, his body shaking, rocking with almost hysterical cachinnation. Tears spilled onto his cheeks and his sides started to ache before he was able to regain control gasping for breath. God it felt good.  
Spock's earlier statements rang in his ears. He was Spock's 'person of significance' Well, he could hardly deny that the feeling was mutual - but where did that leave them? Kirk was no homophobe, but he had simply never felt a sexual attraction to a man. He knew he was too tired and too disoriented by the turn of events to find answers, but for the first time in too long he felt a germ of hope that things were going to be ok.  
Kirk smelled the scent of wood smoke - Spock had lit the fire against the early evening chill, and was preparing some form of supper. The aroma was complex and spicy, and his body responded in the Pavlovian fashion, mouth watering and stomach growling.  
The friends ate in companionable silence, watching the sun setting on the water: streaks of gold and amber reflecting on the gently undulating water, the sky changing from blue-green to orange darkening to purple velvet, scattered with countless pinpoints of light. For the first time in weeks Kirk luxuriated in the sight of the stars. Peace settled between them. Lying back on the neatly prepared bedroll, Kirk slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep, watched over by a thoughtful Spock... and all was right in the universe.  
  
* * *  
The morning brought the warmth of the sun and a sweet breeze which wakened Kirk from his sleep with the gentleness of a lover's touch. Momentarily disoriented by his surroundings, Kirk lay taking in the sights and sounds of the makeshift accommodation. The salty, dry odour of the drift wood infused with smoke from last night's fire, the gentle rhythmic lap of the water. A few feet away Spock was sat cross-legged, straight-backed, in a pose that Kirk knew he favoured for meditation. He felt reenergised by the ambience of the location and refreshed by the depth of the previous night's slumber. Slipping out of the clothes he had slept in, he luxuriated in the feel of the sun's warmth on his bare skin.  
The stress of the past days disappeared, evaporated and scattered on the fragrant breeze. Unfortunately, along with the relief of knowing that Spock was not doing a runner with T'Lumina came the absolute realisation that he had been a complete and utter prat. Spock had planned to bring him here, to enjoy R&R and possibly with the hope of seduction - his jealous, selfish behaviour had spoiled his friend's careful planning. Following close on this thought came a familiar sensation of arousal. The stresses and mental evasion of the previous few days had driven all thoughts of sex from his mind, but now his cock was waving at him, taking full advantage of the slow, easy start to the day. Kirk glanced over at Spock, still deep in meditation and his hand reached down, stroking the engorged length, dropping lower to squeeze and tease the heavy scrotum. Stretching back, Kirk arched into the sensation - could he get by in future with his good right hand, and the occasional deployment of displacement activity? No, fuck that for a game of spacemen. His hand was stroking his full length now, increasing the speed and pressure, thumb brushing the sensitive glans, feeling the first drops of pre cum. His eyes focused on the figure of the Vulcan, dressed in his loose meditation robe, lean bodied and lithe. Kirk wondered what it would be like to feel Spock's hand on his cock, dear god to have Spock suck him off, Christ! The image of Spock's mouth round his dick carried him over the edge and his orgasm wracked his body, streams of cum jetting across his chest. Fuck, he hoped he had not made too much noise, his breathing slowly returned to normal and his pulse slowed.  
What was it Spock often said? There were always possibilities.  
When the post-orgasm languor had left him, he stood, his neglected muscles itching for action. Damn, the sea looked inviting and Spock was obviously taking meditation inordinately seriously this morning. He ran down the beach, hot sand soft beneath his feet. The water was cold and he gasped, diving beneath the surf, swimming with long powerful strokes until his desperate lungs forced him to surface. Turning on his back he allowed himself to float gently, bobbing up and down with the swell. He was Spock's person of significance, he liked that. This man, this Vulcan whose life had become so intertwined with his own! They so often risked life and limb with and for each other and for the ship. He knew Spock could have taken a command of his own long before now if he had so chosen, but they both tacitly knew their whole was so much greater than the sum of the parts. Kirk had always assumed that at some point he would find a wife; a soul mate, a long term partner, someone to settle down with and to share his life with. It was always in his future, a vague expectation, a chimera... although undeniably always a female chimera. Now it seemed this amorphous spirit had assumed a very real shape, and it was Spock-shaped. Kirk could all too easily imagine them in their dotage together as comfortably as he pictured them in his quarters playing chess. Shit. This was not the future, this already was. But that still left the question of sex... could he continue to creep out for it, as if Spock was unaware? To have clandestine, meaningless liaisons, anonymous and fleeting, before returning as if nothing had occurred? That was not going to be a satisfactory solution, it would feel like betrayal; although he had made no promise, no commitment, a commitment had formed none the less. Spock wanted their relationship to be complete, to include sex - but what if he tried and could not follow through? To reject his friend in that most intimate way would be unforgivable, yet the images that had invaded his mind that morning... there were always possibilities.   
Kirk rolled onto his front and swam again, beating the water, driving all thoughts from his mind except for the screaming of muscle and sinew and the rush of cold water against his skin. He swam until he was physically exhausted, heart pounding. Returning to the beach he collapsed onto the shore line, arm thrown casually across his eyes against the sun. Spock had brought him here with at least the possibility of seduction in his mind. He would have calculated the probability of success and considered the ramifications of failure - if Spock was prepared to take a risk... well, death or glory, do or die, nothing ventured, it is better to have loved and lost, faint heart ne'er won - no, scratch that one... yep, Kirk was back in the game. He screwed up his friend's plans (no pun intended). He needed to put that right.


	3. Catch the wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything will work out just fine.

Kirk lay supine, allowing the sun to warm and dry his skin, golden brown against the white sand. Though chilled from the sea he felt rejuvenated. His body was firm, and rivulets of salt water traced filigree patterns across his well defined musculature . He ached from the rigours of the swim but his mind felt clear and sharp. He lifted his arms above his head, elongating his body into a long, satisfying stretch.  
He laughed aloud, relishing his lightness of his heart. Spock was not leaving; moreover, he understood now that they shared some sort of mental bond... and that was just fine. It should feel weird, but instead it felt the most natural thing in the universe. That they had become a team, a double act, two parts of a whole was beyond any doubt. However, Kirk reflected, there were still matters that needed resolution. Firstly - yesterday, he had acted like a grade one arse, he had spoiled Spock's plans and he needed to make amends. Secondly, and slightly more imperatively - there was the question of sex. Spock seemed to have lived as a celibate and was prepared to accept continued celibacy. Kirk liked sex, at times he needed sex. He had enjoyed loving extended relationships and fleeting anonymous liaisons, fast furious fucks and slow, sensual love making... but ultimately he had always walked away without guilt and not looked back. A sexual relationship with Spock was not something he was going to be able to walk away from guilt-free. Spock said he accepted that Kirk would not be able to live celibately and was prepared to accept that he may need to find relief in the arms of another... yet Kirk now acknowledged that he himself had been consumed by jealousy at the thought of Spock with T'Lumina. Kirk recognised that he could no longer imagine life without Spock, but neither could he imagine a life without sex. The question was, could he imagine sex with Spock! This was without doubt a fork in life's road: he could choose between either of the divergent paths, neither would be entirely right or wrong - but each would lead to a very different destination. The profundity of what Spock offered was not lost on Kirk, and he was honest enough to know that he did not ever want to relive the painful emotion of the last weeks, when he had believed his friend was slipping away from him.  
Returning to camp, rummaging in the duffle bag that Spock had provided for him, he found a pair of 3/4 length cotton trousers. The sun felt good on his back so he rejected the idea of a shirt, and shoved his feet into a pair of comfortable old espadrilles. Spock had certainly picked the scruffier end of his wardrobe when packing! Unable to see his erstwhile friend, Kirk looked round – Spock was no longer meditating - perhaps he had disappeared discreetly to satisfy the call of nature. Perhaps the sight of Kirk's naked flesh made him look for one of his displacement activities. The thought of Spock catching sight of his naked body and running off for an emergency game of chess made Kirk laugh all the more. The idea that Spock might have ducked into the shrubbery to find a more interesting form of relief brought a tingle of interest to Kirk's loins – hmmm, to use Spock's mantra, there were always possibilities.  
As if Spock had read his mind, the Vulcan appeared from the undergrowth - clean shaven, not a single hair out of place, long cotton shirt and loose drawstring trousers, pressed to perfection. How does he do that? Kirk ruminatively rubbed his slightly stubbled chin and considered a wardrobe makeover at the next Starbase stopover.   
The pair spent the day exploring the environs of their camp, gathering drift wood for the evening fire and exchanging information about the events of the previous weeks. Kirk found he now wanted to hear about Spock's successes with the science team, and Spock was keen to know that Kirk had not let his recent preoccupation affect the smooth running of the ship. The conversation was light and comfortable; Kirk teased and Spock deadpanned, Spock faulted Kirk's logic and Kirk responded in playful rejoinder.  
As the afternoon wore on, by unspoken agreement both men settled at the chess board.  
"I have missed our games very much Spock - did you find time to play against T'Lumina?"  
"I missed our games also Captain. T'Lumina is indeed an accomplished and masterful player; however I did find, somewhat illogically, that I missed the peculiarly random factor inherent in your game."  
"Why thank you Spock!" Kirk chuckled, reaching to make his move as Spock removed a pawn from play. "Tell me, I am curious: you planned to bring me here, as a 'person of significance' in your life?"  
"Affirmative. I recognised that this was a place you would find aesthetically pleasing, and I desired to enjoy some shore leave with you. Our recent separation has made me realise the depth of my regard for you and this seemed a good means of demonstrating my feelings."  
"But back on the ship you told me you have recently considered the possibility of initiating a... 'sexual union' with someone - that someone is me?"  
"I believe I said I had found someone with whom I wish to have a sexual union, not that I intended to initiate such a union, Captain." Spock paused. "As I said yesterday, I am fully cognisant of your heterosexual status."  
"Jim, Spock – really, call me Jim... we are off the ship, out of uniform, and you have confirmed that not only am I a person of significance to you, but also that you would like to shag me senseless. I think persons of significance and potential bedmates can be called by their first names in these circumstances. As I was saying, having got me here to this place which is indeed a perfect place to initiate a sexual union, or a seduction as I would probably call it... what were you going to do next?"  
"I have no desire to injure you through the medium of coitus Jim, I prefer the idea of a lover who is conscious."  
  
Kirk looked at Spock's delightfully quirked eyebrow and recognised that Spock was teasing him.  
"Spock!... "  
Spock paused before responding, meeting Kirk's eyes with his own steady gaze. "Yes I did intend, if I felt the advance would be well received, to initiate a sexual union with you... James."  
Spock's use of his full name, delivered in a low, sensual growl, sent a spike of desire straight to Kirk's cock. Kirk lowered his head slightly, fixing Spock with his best bedroom eyes. "And if I did not succumb to your seductive wiles?"  
Spock's dark eyes bored into Kirk's. He did not speak, but slowly closed the gap between them, his hot dry lips brushing Kirk's, teasing him with a light butterfly touch. Spock's hand slid behind Kirk's head, fingers entwining in soft, golden hair, pulling him deeper into a full kiss, allowing it to grow in intensity before he pulled away, his voice a soft dangerous whisper in Kirk's ear,   
"I do not intend to fail in my endeavour."  
Kirk was undone now, his cock was rapidly hardening as he felt his own fingers sliding through Spock's silky hair, brushing Spock's face, his thumb tracing the shape of Spock's mouth. He knew he would give himself completely to this union - there would be no compromise or half measure, how could there ever be? He returned Spock's kiss, harder, his tongue seeking to part Spock's lips, his hands moving to explore.  
In an instant he found himself on his back, slightly winded, hands pinned above his head, and Spock's weight against him. Kirk had slept with a few feisty women in his time, but this was something else entirely. Before he could make a sound in protest he heard Spock's voice again in his ear, a tone so low it seemed right at the edge of his aural range, its low frequency vibrating through him, sending shivers along his spine. "Jim, please listen - and do not speak." Kirk nodded. "There are things we must agree on before we go further. This is not a step we can take lightly, there will be... consequences. On duty, on board ship, you will be my Commanding Officer and I will serve you, as ever, with loyalty. In private we will be lovers, soul mates, t'hy'la. We will learn each other's ways, there will be no taboos, no holding back, and we will give and take our pleasures as we can. There are words and traditions from my culture that I will teach you, and I will respect your wishes and preferences. But you must know there are risks: our minds are extremely accordant, we have already formed a telepathic bond and this will become stronger, we will both have to learn to deal with that. By joining with me in a physical union you will become mine - I will find it hard, probably impossible, to share you with another. To return to a path of platonic friendship now would be challenging, but not impossible. If you lay with me tonight, I will not be able to accept anything less. I do not want you to give yourself to me tonight, in the heat of desire, only to realise your mistake in the morning. Know this: whichever path you choose, I am yours in friendship and brotherhood always, and that will not change."  
Kirk just managed to prevent himself from saying, "so a Vulcan is not just for Christmas!"  
Spock released Kirk's arms and shifted his weight. "I feel your desire James, I share it, I burn for you - but I can go no further until I know that your actions are in earnest. I ask you to leave this place for one hour: you may take more if you need to, but not less. When you return, I will know your answer and we will act accordingly. In the future we may look to find together the ways of pleasure and rejoice in their finding... but tonight, if that is the path you choose, you will be mine and I will take you."  
Spock stood, and offering his hand, helped a somewhat bewildered Kirk to his feet. Then turning, he melted into the gathering dusk, leaving Kirk standing bereft from the loss of contact, wondering what the hell had just happened. Spock's voice came from nowhere: "Jim, please do as I ask, leave now and come back when you are certain of your answer." There was a pause before the disembodied voice spoke again. "I would advise you to put a shirt on as it will become cool soon, and please eat as I do not relish the concept of a partner who loses his senses through calorific deficit."  
Kirk did not know whether to laugh or cry. Spock had laid down a declaration of love and fealty like no other he had received before. The thought that Spock would take him and make him his own was the single most erotic image he had ever visualised, and yet Spock still had the practical presence of mind to consider his physical well-being and comfort. Muttering "yes mom" under his breath, he located a sweatshirt and some rations, and started to walk slowly away from the camp along the shore line.  
A twilight walk along the beach would under other circumstances be one of Kirk's favourite occupations. Now it simply felt lonely - he was alone again, missing the comfort of Spock's reassuring presence. Feeling that loss was surely enough to tell him which path he should choose? But Spock was right, a permanent liaison (and anything else was unthinkable) would have consequences. As the sky darkened the stars were reflected in the calm waters; there was no moon, but enough light was reflected for Kirk to see behind him the single line of footprints in the sand. There was no question in his mind, he no longer wished to leave a single set of footprints behind him. He wanted always to walk side by side with Spock: he wanted Spock at his back in times of trouble and he wanted to lay with Spock in times of ease. He felt a burn of desire building within him. The memory of Spock's lips against his own and his fingers in his hair came into his mind, and his cock once again began to respond. He had never been a submissive partner - being taken, being possessed, would be a new experience... but Spock had asked this of him, and he owed the Vulcan no less. Spock was, as far as Kirk understood it, a virgin - so tonight might be lacking in finesse, but hell they had the rest of their lives to improve, and the idea that he might introduce Spock to the delights of the bedroom was extremely appealing.  
Kirk desperately hoped the hour was up, as he turned and strode toward the camp. He saw the fire blazing in the hearth and as he drew nearer he smelt the salty smoke, only now it was tinged with a sweet dry top note of sandalwood and patchouli. The single bedrolls had been arranged into one square, around which a circle of lanterns made a soft, flickering halo of light. A number of pillows and cushions seemed to have appeared, creating an inviting and comfortable nest. A bottle and two glasses were placed near the hearth, along with a plate of what looked like dried fruit. Clearly Spock did not want to risk the possibility of energy starvation. Equally clearly, Spock had not anticipated his advances being rejected.  
Looking around, Kirk could not see his friend and putative lover. He was momentarily unsure how to proceed - Spock had said "When you return, I will know your answer" … but how would he know? Kirk was not sure he had the words in him to convey the smallest part of what he felt, in a way that would communicate the depth of his affection and the sincerity of his intention. The realisation came to him as an epiphany, the answer suddenly blindingly obvious. He stripped himself of his clothing, feeling the night air cool on his skin, raising goosebumps, adding to the swirl of stimuli already engulfing and overwhelming his senses. Stepping into the circle of light, he lay on the soft bedding, the warm luminance of the lamps and the radiant glow of the fire reflecting off his burnished golden skin. He was offering himself, a naked man, all that he was, as his gift to Spock. His own words of the previous day returned to his mind: "any memories you make here will be beautiful, sublime, unforgettable" - and he knew those memories would be Spock's gift to him.  
From out of the darkness stepped a tall, elegant figure shrouded in a long black cloak. To Kirk he appeared noble and majestic, the handsome aristocratic features of his face defined by the flickering firelight. Long, exquisite fingers expertly unhooked a silver clasp, allowing the heavy robe to fall to the ground with a gentle sluff. Spock stood revealed: gloriously naked, lean, sinuous and long-limbed, his skin a warm olive in the subtle flickering light. He slowly bowed his head, eyes closing, in an acknowledgement of Kirk's presence. Kirk's eyes swept down over the svelte form, which was lightly dusted with soft, dark hair. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of the Vulcan's engorged phallus erect above a heavy ballsack. He ached to touch, to kiss, to explore... but remembering his promise he lay, waiting for his friend to act.  
Spock stepped briefly out of sight, returning with a large bowl of water and some soft towels. Kneeling at Kirk's feet, he gently began to wash Kirk's skin: cleaning every inch, removing any sand, sweat or sea salt with the cloth, water and soap which smelled pleasantly of musk and citrus. He worked nimble fingers between Kirk's toes, lathering each foot, before moving upwards to ankle and calf. The touch of Spock's hot soapy hands sliding over his bare skin was a sensation of delightful intimacy. The hands moved further up towards his thighs, lifting each leg in turn so as to reach every part of him, and Kirk felt the throb of his arousal. Spock stood intermittently to fetch fresh water, returning each time to pick up exactly where he left off. His progress was excruciating, slow but relentless - he gently held Kirk's stiffened cock and cupped his balls, cleansing the area with the soap and water, drying it with the towel. Kirk groaned, desperate for release, trying to thrust into Spock's palm - but Spock did not permit him to do so, patiently continuing with his purifying ritual. Spock motioned for Kirk to roll over, and the now familiar feel of soapy cloth and dry towel continued across his back and down the length of his spine to his buttocks. Kirk moaned again at the sensation of the wet cloth between his ass cheeks, and he ground his hips into the blankets beneath him as a soapy finger insinuated itself into his puckered hole, "dear god, Spock, please, god! I can't hold back much longer... " Spock's voice was calming in his ear, "Hush ashaya, be calm, this is only the beginning, you must learn patience." Kirk felt Spock reach beneath him and apply pressure, and blissfully the urgent need for release abated slightly, although his erection was still drilling into the bedding. Spock rolled him gently back to the supine position. He moved to take Kirk's left hand now, working up to his shoulder, cleansing every crevasse and fold of skin, before moving on to the other arm, then across his chest. Kirk gasped as the hot fingers brushed his nipples, which were already hardened by lust. Finally, reaching for a soft brush, Spock worked some of the soap into a delicate lather which he applied to Kirk's cheeks, chin and neck. Kirk jumped as he felt deft fingers stretching his facial skin, followed by the ice-cold steel of a razor as it scraped away the coarse stubble. With tender efficiency, Spock removed the hair from Kirk's face, leaving him faultlessly clean shaven.  
Once Kirk was thoroughly cleansed and dry, Spock stood again, adding more wood to the fire. He returned, holding a bottle of oil which had been warmed on the hearth. Starting again at Kirks' feet, he slowly applied the slick, heated oil to Kirk's tingling, sensitised skin. Kirk could not remember the last time he had been the focus of such intimate and exquisite treatment - he felt worshipped, as if nothing else existed for Spock in the universe but the two of them. The strong, dexterous fingers massaged each muscle, isolating and exploring each muscle group as if mapping Kirk's body, observing and mentally recording Kirk's every response.  
Slowly, slowly, Spock moved his hands over Kirk's abdomen and up to his chest, finger ends gently teasing the hard nipples. Spock seemed fascinated by the way Kirk's back arched at his touch. Head thrown back, Kirk gasped for air, "fuck Spock, please, please... " Spock replaced his fingers with his mouth, gently tonguing and nipping the sensitive nubs with his teeth. He allowed one hand to slide back down Kirk's taut abdomen until it reached the tumescent cock. Kirk's breathing was in desperate shallow gasps, as Spock slowly began to rub the length from base to tip. Kirk's hips moved in tandem with Spock's rhythm - he was groaning now, crying out Spock's name in a delirious mantra. Spock ceased his attentions to Kirk's nipples and kissed his way upwards, nipping and sucking along Kirk's collar bone, then attacking the sensitive skin of his neck and behind his ear, before licking and sucking the easiest available earlobe. Kirk could not remain passive any longer: he grabbed Spock by the hair and kissed him bruisingly hard, as though his very life depended on it. Their tongues danced in time with Spock's pumping hand, and Kirk yelled out his orgasm, jets of cum streaming onto his chest.  
Kirk held on to his lover, burying his head in the soft skin between his neck and shoulder. "Spock, I want you! Please take me, make me yours."  
Spock kissed his human gently, "Be patient ashaya, you are impetuous, there is no imperative for haste. You are mine, t'hy'la, I will have you." Incredibly, Kirk felt his arousal returning, Spock's words acting as a powerful aphrodisiac. A drink was pressed to his lips and he swallowed gratefully, some spilling onto his chin and chest, and he felt Spock's rough tongue licking away the residue of the sweet beverage and the salty product of his orgasm.  
"Turn over ashaya, I wish to prepare you." Kirk felt a tingle of fear, mixed with the thrill of arousal - he had never lain with a man, and the thought of being penetrated both fascinated and repelled him. He had taken female partners anally, and allowed women to tease him in that intimate place, but it had never done much for him. Now he ached for Spock's touch, the memory of the finger entering him earlier sped on the return of his rapidly returning erection.  
Rolling onto his stomach, he heard Spock release the cap of the oil bottle and smelled again the sharp scent of the oil. Spock's hand, slick with the silky aromatic unguent, traced a path down his spine and over his tail bone, settling between his buttocks. The hot oiled fingers began to tease and massage the delicate skin and he instinctively clenched his sphincter. Slowly, relentlessly, a finger slid inside him, followed by a second. He froze, overwhelmed by the strangeness of the sensation. The digits began to penetrate inexorably deeper, twisting slightly, creating a remorseless rhythm as they pumped in and out, scissoring gently, stretching him carefully. The sensation of strangeness gave way to pleasure as Spock kissed and nuzzled the soft skin at the back of his neck, whispering words Kirk could not as yet understand. The fingers momentarily withdrew as more oil was drizzled between his buttocks, running down between his legs and coating his balls. He wanted to stroke his own cock, but he was not sure Spock would allow him, so settled instead for rubbing against the rough blankets beneath him. The fingers returned to their preparatory action, a third now added stretching him further, causing a spike of pain to mingle with the thrill and the pleasure. He thrust back, taking the fingers more deeply, before grinding down into the bedding again. He expected Spock to take him as he lay, so was surprised to feel strong arms turning him over and lifting his legs. Spock knelt above him, supporting the weight of his legs on strong shoulders. The tip of that marvellous Vulcan phallus now nudged against his opening. Spock's dark eyes fixed onto Kirk's - they reflected the firelight, and it seemed to Kirk that the fire burned within the very depth of that Vulcan soul. He sensed in his mind Spock's unspoken question, and closing his eyes responded, "Yes." Gently, gently, the broad glans pushed inside, stretching him wide. The pain was sharp but gone in an instant, as Kirk was consumed by the astonishing feeling of his lover inside him. "Fuck me, Spock, fuck me, don't hold back!" Spock growled, a feral sound that only served to feed Kirk's passion. As Spock began to thrust deeper, his hand sought Kirk's temple. The human did not resist, he longed for the union of mind and body. He felt the warmth of Spock's loving mind join with his own and hoped Spock could feel those feelings reciprocated. Now he felt rather than heard Spock's words and understood their meaning: "I love thee, beloved, cherish thee - you are mine, friend, brother, lover, at last... " Both men began to move now in an easy rhythm - matching each other in power and intensity, they became almost savage, atavistic, hands gripping hard, lips, teeth, biting, sucking, Spock's hips pounding into Kirk. Kirk could hold on no longer, his crisis was enough to undo Spock, sending him over the edge into his own shattering climax as he bellowed out his lover's name, "JAMES!".  
Kirk did not know when he had lost consciousness, or how long for. As he stirred, he felt Spock move beside him as they untangled limbs to lie side by side. Kirk allowed Spock to hold him close and he rested his head on the slender chest, one arm flung across his lover's body. The fire was barely a residual glow of embers, the lamps had flickered out and the thin light of dawn was spreading across the sky. Spock turned his head and kissed Kirk's brow. Kirk inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of the woodsmoke, his oil-scented skin, Spock's musky scent and the aroma of sex that still clung to them. He pulled the blankets around them more closely, aware of Spock's sensitivity to the coolness of the morning air. His body was sore, he knew he was marked and bruised. Spock had taken him and branded him, he belonged to Spock now, he could live with that.  
"Spock... "  
"Hmmmm... ?"  
"I owe you an apology."  
"Apology accepted, go back to sleep."  
"Spock!"  
"HhMMMMM?"  
"Will it always be like that?"  
"No, you will improve, now go back to sleep."  
  
Kirk laughed quietly, feeling a corresponding chuckle in the psyche of the being to whom he was so closely entwined.  
His mind conjured up a phrase: "A moment to learn, a life time to master." He could not remember if he had read it in a book or on the back of a cereal packet, but he knew now exactly what it meant, and that was fine.  
His mind recalled reading a poem, or perhaps the lyric of a song, "to feel you all around me, and to take your hand, along the sand, ah but I may as well try to catch the wind." He smiled, for he had caught the wind.


End file.
